"I'm Not Embarassed for Who I am..."

I found this video on Terrible Palsy. I had yet to change the URL on my blogroll and was behind reading posts there. I'm glad I finally caught up.

Walk On -- 900 Miles



I'm going to keep my comments about DJ's goal to myself. I get it. I get where he's at. I was there before. I've had similar goals in fact...

The part that gets me, the part that chokes me up, is at about where there are 3mins 45secs left. "If I see myself on television I'll actually look the other way. I won't watch it... All I can say is it's just hard sometimes. It's just hard."

I'm not embarassed for who I am either, but yes, yes it is hard. Writing this I almost want to cry. I'm a bit emotional about something else at the moment and it seems to be putting me over the edge. I've never liked seeing myself on video. It's been a few years though. Maybe next time it won't be so bad.

When I'm not looking at me, when I am me (does that make sense?) I am normal. I am my normal. However, when I'm watching me I am not me, I am outside of me, and the me I am watching is not normal. She is abnormal. The me I am watching looks awkward and unsteady. The me I am does not feel that way. When I was younger if the me I was watching would have been anywhere near the me that I am, I would have gone the other way. It is easy to understand why the me I am watching gets judged by others. I can see how it is so easy to put me into the group that is "them." When I am watching me I almost want to forgive the ableism. After all, they don't know any better.

It's not like I would ever not do something because of the chance I might get on TV. In fact now it's quite the oppisite. I'm an ADAPTer; it's all about breaking down barriers. I think DJ gets that too. He's very well spoken and articulate. Looks can be deceiving. Don't judge a crip by their chair. Or their waddle & cane... We're neither normal nor abnormal. We just are. People are people. I think that's part of his point.

As an aside, why in the world did DJ keep track of his falls on his blog? Anyone else think that's odd?