Need Advice From Female Wheelchair Users: To Switch or Not To Switch?

Back in 2006 I did a 10pg research paper on physical and sexual abuse of women with disabilities. I'll try to post some references tomorrow. While what I read didn't surprise me, it sure did scare me. There were multiple categories I focused on such as spousal/PA abuse, abuse by parents/relatives, and what scared me the most, although I am pretty mobile and this is unlikely to happen to me, is the possibility of abuse by medical professionals. One or two articles I read talked about women who reported being refused access to their mobility aids until after they were taken advantage of.

When I aged out of my pediatrician, I went 5 years without having a physical, which scared me. I've heard of people who caught serious medical conditions before they were symptomatic, just from a routine well check up, and if I'm going to have a serious medical condition, that's how early I want to find it. I wasn't so worried about abuse as I was about some Dr being annoyed by me. I have inconvenient spasticity issues for some exams, if you catch my drift, and I was worried that if things took more time they might not be so receptive to having me as a patient. I didn't want to just pick someone out of my insurance book and go in blind.

Then one day I met 2 married wheelchair users, and some time later in the middle of a conversation I realized hey, I should go to their doctor. At the time her office was less then 2 miles from where I lived, now it's across the street. Being rolling distance, now walking distance, is definitely a perk.

In the little over 2 years since I got that referral I've been over there 3 times. I don't have much use for a primary care doc other then relieving my constant anxiety that I have some kind of cancer and I have no idea. The 1st time she was OK, and it was a big relief that she was, of course NOT phased by my spasticity. It was a very trusted recommendation.

The second time I went I thought maybe I had strep, and that's when I realized she must double or triple book. I waited a ridiculously long time even though I had called ahead, and then saw her for less then 5mins. Turns out it was just a cold.

When I went for my second physical I also waited way over an hour for an appt scheduled in advance, and she definitely rushed that appointment. By the time I finally saw her I was cutting into her lunch hour.

Back in March I thought I had a serious reaction to one of my meds (I didn't) and my psychiatrist never got back to me even though I emailed him pictures and called him to let him know I emailed him pictures (so I ditched him, it wasn't the 1st thing he did, it was the last straw). I was trying to avoid the ER. When I couldn't make the one time I was given, her office staff never got back to me with an alternative. I went to the ER.

I read recently in Urbanite Magazine that a very local community hospital is doing some revamping in preparation for the implementation of the ACA. If you don't want to read the whole article, basically in a few years if practices change certain things in regards to the treatment of MediCARE patients the government will give them a bonus. They're really doing an aggressive campaign and since I've been typing this post I've heard their radio commercial about their brand new satellite primary care offices twice.

I'm by the main hospital once a week. And by by I mean across their parking lot. The only thing that separates their parking lot from the other parking lot is a parking gate. So besides across the street, this is the most convenient you can get. I should also mention that during the warm months I roll over there.

My current primary care doc takes my insurance but I'm pretty sure not mediCAID, and as I recently qualified for the buy-in and it will soon be my secondary, I'm evaluating who I see. It's part of the reason I ditched my psychiatrist. While I'm not planning on a physical for 9 mos, their incessant radio commercials have me thinking. If they don't take mediCAID and they're so closely linked to a hospital, that's pretty shitty. Their primary care/family physician website says that they accept most insurance plans including mediCARE.

I may call/email over their and check, and I also plan to check and see if they have adjustable height exam tables. My current doc does not, and I would switch just for that. It conveys a certain philosophy of inclusiveness. Besides that though, I would be picking someone blind without anybody else's experience to go off of. That anxiety about my spasticity making a doctor uncomfortable is creeping up again. I don't need to deal with someone like that. On the other hand, although I am pretty comfortable having more intimate exams with the doctor I have, I'm not comfortable with the fact that I feel my time is not respected. The article says that the hospital is in the process of switching their physicians to a salary from the current fee for service, so that hopefully won't be an issue.

If you've managed to get this far, what would YOU do? I'm really interested in opinions. And thanks Jay for the picture.

What NOT to Blog About

If I was writing the blog post I've been dying to write, it'd be titled "The Benefits of Masturbation." And it'd be a very candid post, because there are several IMHO. But I won't ever be writing that post. I can't ever write that post, however much I'm dying to do so. Potential employers might read this blog and that's just too personal. As hard as I've tried not to mention my last name (ever), if you google me, you'll find it. You might say "but you write about sex a decent amount of time." Which is true, but I don't write about my sex life (because it's non-existent), but rather if you notice my posts are more about relationship dynamics as a person with a physical disability. I'm kissing the "appropriate" line (pun intended), but masturbation is crossing it.

However, I'm hoping this post might generate many comments and we can start an honest conversation without me revealing too much. Or someone might let me guest post on their blog completely anonymously. I can't wait to see what comes up, and I can't wait to see what google search terms lead people to this post.

Becoming Proud and Powerful

I had most of a long post on spasticity done for today when it got erased. So here's a video, because I don't have time to write it again.

I am Not a Freak

"Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better." ~MLK Jr

When I saw that this month's DBC was being held in conjunction with MLK Jr Day, something deep inside of me got mad. I wasn't upset that the carnival is Monday. In fact I thought that was a great idea. I don't have anything against MLK Jr at all. In fact, ADAPT has long considered his birthday (today) to be "Freedom Day." We're down with him. What angers me is why some people aren't down with us.

I don't know how people viewed Black Civil Rights leaders during the 1960's, when everything was going on. I wasn't around in the 60's, I'm 25. I imagine things were viewed differently depending on which geographic region of the country you resided in at the time. What I do know is that now, in 2011, and for at least the last 20 years, Malcom X, MLK, Nelson Mandela (yes, I know he's not American) have been regarded as national heros, while I am regarded by some people as a freak.

Please explain to me why blocking a bus with a powerchair is different then refusing to get up from the front of a bus. Please explain to me why yelling outside of an inaccessible McDonald's (that link is in Mandarin, use Google Translate) is different then refusing to get up from a lunch counter?

Did people tell MLK to just "be nice?" Not just people, but Black people. HIS people. I'm sure some did. I've been looked down upon by other PWDs, wheelchair users, been instructed to "be nice." I've gotten in arguments with certain PWDs (those old friends), who don't agree with how or why I do the things I do, so often that we no longer speak. Being nice in my experience rarely gets you what you need, your civil rights. IN YOUR FACE does.

MLK Jr said

We who in engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive.

I'd have to agree with this. People are scared of people with disabilities. Especially people with very visible physical disabilities and significant psychiatric disabilities -- people who cannot pass. People are scared, fearful of what is different; of what they do not know. By making our very visible selves even MORE visible we are intensifying this fear. I get that. That explains why TABs get nervous around ADAPTers, but that doesn't explain why some PWDs are put off by us. We're not any more different then they are.

I think PWDs are put off by me (us) because by hanging out with people who do things such as handcuff themselves to the White House fence, I challenge their reality, how they were raised, the ways they think are the "right" ways to be a PWD. Don't call attention to your disability. Don't ask for "special" treatment. Be nicer then other people. You should be grateful for what you do get. Etc.

My parents taught me not to settle. My parents taught me separate is not equal. My parents taught me that sometimes to get what you need you have to stop being nice and start being FORCEFUL. My parents taught me this when I was 5. And my mother wonders why I'm so into ADAPT... But that's another topic and story entirely...

The theme for this carnival is "let your freak flag fly." I'm different. I'm a radical. I challenge not just the "norm" but I also challenge the "atypical." ADAPTers call ourselves "wild and weird ones." I wear that label with pride. But I'm not a "freak" in the way that people who judge me intend that word to be meant.

Why are Malcolm X, MLK Jr, and Nelson Mandela national heros but not Ed Roberts and Justin Dart Jr? We are the same. We do the same. We're not freaks. We're also a very creative dedicated minority hell bent on making the world a better place.

My Non-Existent Trauma

I'm writing this for someone I know in real life; someone who reads this blog and comments profusely. This person lives across the street. I'm not usually this obvious in calling people out, but in this case I need to be. You still wouldn't be able to google her and have this pop up, so I feel her identity is adequately protected. I am writing this because I don't know what else to do. Repeated conversations over several months have not worked. Maybe a blog post will? I can't say you haven't gotten the hint because I haven't been hinting. I've been straight up. [BTW, I welcome comments from anyone]

I am going to say this for hopefully the last time, because I'm getting very frustrated--

I DO NOT HAVE A TRAUMA BACKGROUND.

Period. The end. I spent most of my last therapy appointment discussing this (you're not the only one who has mentioned trauma in relation to me) and

I DO NOT HAVE A TRAUMA BACKGROUND.

Ok, so that wasn't the last time I said that because I just said it again... but hopefully now it is.

My shrink (who I have been seeing faithfully for the last 3.5 years) said that she has actually been quite surprised that I don't have a trauma background given everything that has happened in my life (both disability and non-disability related). I've got a long list of things that could have had a lasting traumatic imprint on my soul that haven't. I guess you could say I'm rather resilient, which is not a word I would have ever thought to pair up with Cheryl until just now. Not a part of my identity at all. She said

"It's not something that's ever entered my mind with you."

This however has not been enough to end the incessant badgering. It's where I'm at a complete loss now. Because when I asked my shrink what I needed to say to this person, she said "Tell her I've had extensive trauma training and it's not something that's ever entered my mind with you."

I know, I keep repeating myself, but maybe if it doesn't sink in the first time, it'll sink in the 3rd? She got it the first time by text immediately following my appt while I was waiting on paratransit. That first time I (we?) was (were?) immediately invalidated, and that's something you just don't do to me. It's one of, if not my biggest pet peeve, invalidating me, what I feel, what I experience, how I perceive things. If you want to talk trauma, this is my trauma. And this. This too (the first paragraph only) is all connected. Same person involved. These are the incidences that have led to panic attacks and nightmares.

I've thought about this continuously over the preceding 8hrs before starting to write this. Maybe I have experienced trauma. Fine. I give up. I'll tell you what you want to hear if it'll make you stop. Being brushed off for seven years, when I knew I needed more extensive and/or differently tailored psychiatric treatment caused trauma. This woman above caused trauma. Maybe the physical therapist who dismissed my pain (that was bad enough to make me cry) as me wanting to get out of therapy, when I actually had a post surgical complication caused trauma. She got fired FYI. Oh yeah, there was that 5th grade art teacher too (I needed a hell of a lot of psychotherapy to deal with him)... But it's not the forced therapy or sending me to the vice principal that caused trauma, it's the dismissiveness. If you can't see it, it's not there. NOT TRUE!

My friend, not wanting to listen to me, seems to want to think that having a physical disability, and everything that comes along with it, is deeply traumatic in and of itself. NOT TRUE EITHER! How do I explain this? It took me another 4hrs after my appt to come up with it.

Saying that experiences directly related to cerebral palsy -- PT, surgery etc -- are inherently traumatic is like saying experiences directly related to being black -- learning how to style black hair (which I hear is difficult), having someone cross the street when they see you coming their way on the sidewalk -- is traumatic. Now, I am clearly not black, so correct me if I'm wrong, but in relation to the CP stuff, my shrink and I said the same exact thing at the same time (that's a first for that)

These things weren't traumatic, they were MY NORMAL.

Having twice weekly physical therapy starting at 6mos old, needing to be taught how to roll over and sit up and walk up and down stairs wasn't traumatic, not unless you count having to go to hebrew school on Sunday mornings as "traumatic." Or having to do the dishes, or sitting through 10th grade geometry class as "traumatic." All kids have to do things they don't want to do. Heck, all adults have to do things they don't want to do. It's just the way life is. It's not "trauma." This is trauma.

And no, I am not diminishing my trauma. Hell, why would I do something that is my own pet peeve? Don't you do that to me. PLEASE!!! Would you tell a black person that the fact that they are black means that they experienced trauma? Would you tell a proud black person, who cherishes their identity and culture that they are denying their trauma? Then why do you continue to disbelieve me?

Supercripin it Up

It's funny that this week's AAPD video is Andy Imparato --my facebook friend, as well as everyone else's (he's friends with over 4,000 people), the President and CEO of AAPD, and a Maryland resident, so people I know know him-- because I've been wanting to write a post about him for a week or 2.

I don't often look up to people, but I look up to Andy. I look up to Andy simply because he is bipolar and a giant well known activist. Although I identify as a person with a physical disability first (I mean I was born with one, so...), my bipolar is what is keeping me from doing what I want to do in life, and Andy is doing, and has been doing, what I want to do. That little box below my facebook photo says

I want to be a freedom fighter when I grow up

Andy is a freedom fighter, and it just so happens that Andy is bipolar. My mom once sarcastically asked if you have to go to college to be a freedom fighter, and the answer is absolutely not, although it most certainly helps.

Andy got through it. Andy not only got through it, Andy is a lawyer. On those days when I think I just cannot get through it, on those days I think it's impossible, on some of those days I think about Andy. I don't know any of his specifics, but I don't have to. He's an activist, he's bipolar, he's open about it and identifies with having a disability just the same as a paraplegic, or someone with down syndrome. I don't know of anyone else who fits those qualifications (if you know someone else, please comment). So Andy isn't exactly like me. Andy's not in a chair, but so what. It's funny how I identify most with my physical disability, but I identify most with someone with my other disability.

I know I shouldn't place people on a pedestal, people are people, but I can't help it. Is that wrong? Is it wrong that Andy gives me hope for myself? I don't like when we're supercriped, and yet here I go supercripin someone...

I Know, I Know, My Blog Has Turned Into a Vlog

It's just that I'm too tired to post and vloging is the quickest and easiest way to get posts up everyday, in one day. A well thought out written post could take an hr, while posting a vlog takes like 5mins. I can really bang them out. Sunday's through tomorrow's posts were all posted on Saturday. I'm glad a lot of them are captioned for my Deaf/HOH readers.

I'm taking a quick break from vloging to bring you a bit of AWESOMNESS, because it is a short-ish bit of news.

At my internship last week I started a project that's developmentally appropriate for elementary school kids. It involved pulling pictures of disabled people (tried to keep to kids as much as possible) out in the world doing active productive things. I got things like wheelchair basketball, a young woman with down syndrome in a chef's uniform (complete with food she just made, in a professional kitchen), I was looking for 40 in all. The thing was, I didn't even get half way through when I realized my pictures were incredibly biased towards physical/visible disabilities--a few wheelchairs, a kid with a blind cane, another with a prosthetic arm climbing playground equipment, but I was clearly lacking in representation of invisible disabilities.

It is rather hard to find pictures of invisible things. So I had to get creative and took a picture of 2 girls taking a test, putting the caption "Kids with learning disabilities sometimes need extra time to finish tests." I still had trouble with autism in particular, dead set on staying away from the ribbon.

What I did in the end was go over to amazon and pull off covers of children's books. Taking Autism to School and Let's Learn with Teddy About Epilepsy. Me being me, of course I want to include something about bipolar. I didn't find anything that sufficed when shrunk to 1.4in X 1.4in, but what I DID find was ELI, THE BIPOLAR BEAR, which I am not using, but still, HOW COOL! I am waiting very impatiently for it to arrive via interlibrary loan, and alerted my shrink that she should buy. It's pretty new.

Anyone peruse it? What'd you think?

Sleep is Better Then Sex

There are at least half a dozen things that I want to post about, but right now I am so sleep deprived that I can't think. I don't have anyone I'd feel comfortable asking to be a reference on my resume right now, so I'm trying to kick ass at my summer internship so I can put down my supervisor's boss, the Secretary of the Maryland Department of [keeping hidden from google, but I bet you could guess]. How many people can list a Secretary as a reference? Which means, since it starts in a week, that this week I have to get up earlier then I have in a LONG time. Even though I do not need to be there until 10am, I need to start heading down to the bus at 8:30 (the office is pretty far downtown), and my body is not hardwired for this. I'm NOT a morning person.

So I thought since I am so tired I would blog about sleep. Earlier in the week I had a txt conversation with someone where I said my body hates me. That was after only 2 days of getting up at 7 (since then have been 2 days of 6:30 which have not gone as smoothly). Plenty of people get up at 7. 7 is not ridiculously early. I should be able to count myself as lucky, shouldn't I? Tell that to my CP fatigue.

I also said that I thought my therapist was going to faint after I told her what I was doing. I have a lot riding on this experiance. This person I was texting hasn't known me very long, not quite 4 months, and she's really behind the 8 ball when it comes to my natural behaviors. So she didn't get it. Then I said

not that I would know really but sleep is better then sex

The way I figure it, sex is just a lot of work, a lot of muscle coordination, something I could see being rather difficult in many different aspects for somebody with mobility issues, and right now if I had the choice between sex and sleep (which very unfortunately I do not) I'd choose sleep hands down.

Whatcha Gotta Do

There is only so much Grey's Anatomy one can watch (I know, shocking coming from me) and if you're going to spend extended time in bed, IMHO, you should watch movies. Grey's is best suited for sleeping and studying. Finding Nemo is one of my favs as almost every character has either physical or psychiatric disabilities, AND there seems to be no overt ableism.

Of course it spoke to me even more this time. Should this be my new motto? It's EXHAUSTING you know, swimming, in both the literal and figurative sense, but I try--both figuratively and literally. At least I haven't yet turned into Ms Grumpy Gills.

Hurtful Words Part 1

Something came up in class yesterday that brought up one of the most hurt situations I have ever experienced. This happened roughly 5 months ago, and at the time I had opted not to make it public on the internet. You have to be careful what you put out on a a non-passworded blog, even though I choose not to divulge my last name and thus am not googable by my name (I check every so often). I have not thought about it since the incident because I think it is poinless to ruminate on a person who will never change.

In class I said something ultra brief but then decided to send an email to this professor, whom I trust, going into great detail. This time I am choosing to post it here, as I would appreciate multiple opinions, and also thought this is perfect of BADD.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The second time I took psyc 403 [child psychology], my adjunct professor (a full time school psychologist who adopted a son years ago who has significant psychological disabilities) started in on how Drs are keeping premature babies alive earlier and earlier. In doing so they are taking advantage of parent's vulnerability, he says, for their own personal professional gain (so that they can publish the case study) and NOT looking out for the best interest of the child. He also believes that if there becomes prenatal testing for psychiatric disabilities it should become the norm to perform preimplantation genetic diagnosis. Society would be saving those babies from a life of constant suffering, not just physically, but because of how pervasive ableism (he didn't use that word) is in this society. Forget about working to change society, just kill off those people. Reintroduce eugenics [my interpretation, not his wording].

I was sitting in my chair in class that day. It was very unprofessional for him to use those words and in hindsight I wish I'd gone to the psyc dept chair. I was too depressed to figure that out at the time. Do you think it is too late? Offensive language can come in many forms and and this is much more hurtful to me then calling me a cripple, invalid, spaz, retard, a wheelchair (what, am I not a person?). 0-60 in 10secs flat.

My interpretation of what he said is that I shouldn't have been sitting in that room; that I have nothing valuable to contribute to society; that my parents should have killed me off; that people like me and his son should have been aborted. I mean, really, I have a double curse if you want to view me that way.

My life is certainly hard, but so are a lot of other people's. I asked him if he had also adopted a typical son would he love that one more? He said that he had not said that babies should be aborted or that he does not love his son [he didn't] and that I went too far in assessing what he had said. How could I not have? I'm not going to change his opinion, some people are beyond help, but people in these types of professions [professors] should know when to keep their mouth shut. I almost feel like I should address this issue now, but I almost feel like 5 months later the moment has passed... Should I?

Part 2

Aimee Mullins ON DISABILITY

IT'S EVEN CAPTIONED! Found through the blog Born Just Right, and then a few days later on Ryn Tales Book of Days, and then Terrible Palsy. It seems to be floating around mommy bloggers lately. I have no comments, this needs none; it should speak for itself.

Researcher Seeking Pictures of People with Mobility Impairments

I've been very bad at keeping up with facebook over the last 6 weeks and just found 2 things of interest that were posted ages ago. First is that ADAPT has put together a thank you note for Senator Tom Harkin. He does a lot of work on our (ALL disabled American's) behalf. Please sign.

Second, Rosemary Hughes, a researcher at the University of Montana’s Rural Institute, is seeking photos of active persons who use assistive equipment for walking (canes, crutches, walkers etc) for use in a project, "Motivating Smokers with Mobility Impairments to Stop Smoking." The photos will be used to illustrate a DVD and promotional materials for a smoking cessation program designed for people with disabilities. The Rural Institute is partnering on this project with researchers from Brown University and The Myriam Hospital in Rhode Island. The project is funded by the National Cancer Institute. The Rural Institute does great work on disability related research and they would be conscientious about using your photos.

So, do you have awesome photos of yourself or friends who use equipment for walking? It would be great to have the photos show your equipment as well as you. Rosemary is looking for about 25 photos and you can email her at rhughes@ruralinstitute.umt.edu. Be a star and help people quit smoking! Rosemary would love to share more information about this important study with anyone who contacts her about it. Thanks so very much!

Should I send in this picture? Just Kidding! It's a pretty bad picture...


P.S. The 61st Disability Blog Carnival is up! We need hosts for the next year. Please contact Penny.

Looking for a Psychiatrist/Therapist

I read a NYTimes article the other day, Where Can the Doctor Who’s Guided All the Others Go for Help?, about psychiatrists who need their own psychiatrists, written by a psychiatrist. Some of the concern I understand, some I do not. If you live in a small area and most around are former students / patients this could be awkward. Not everyone has that problem, not everyone teaches, but here is a problem much more common, not just related to psychiatrists, but to everyone:

There is also the factor of experience ... "I might have some trouble going to younger colleagues. It’s hard to understand the issues that come up in the course of a life cycle unless you’ve lived it yourself.”

Dr. Rachel Seidel, a psychoanalyst and psychiatrist in Cambridge, said that when people feel vulnerable, “we want someone with more insight than we have.”

“It’s a paradox,” she added. “Do I have to have gone through what you’ve gone through in order to be empathic to you? And yet, I’d have a preference for someone who’s been around longer.”

So far in my life I haven't come across this issue myself. I'm only 24 and it should be another year or 2 before my peers are beginning to be credentialed, but I'm not sure it's all that much an issue. Dealing with family dynamics is dealing with family dynamics. Dealing with depression is dealing with depression. Prescribing meds, big deal. The issue of sex (in both senses of the word) is much more of an issue to me.

When I was looking for a therapist I told the person I'd asked for a referral from it didn't matter to me whether it was a male or a female. I'd had both before, my most immediate past therapist is a male, I have high standards and I just cared that they were good. Told her I trusted her. Turns out I was wrong. I realized while I was comfortable discussing my resistance to dating with him I never would have been comfortable discussing my sex life with him. I'm only comfortable having someone who is committed to being a long term therapist as I know they, like botox, are something I will always have a need for, and this is something I will (hopefully) be discussing with this one. He's also old, about 40 years older then me, but that was not the issue. I'd have a problem discussing this with a younger male and would not have a problem discussing this with either a young or seasoned female professional.

The issue of life experience is something that ended up almost being an issue for me, as I ended up trying to find any reason I could not to like her (didn't work). Why I would do that I would rather not discuss, but makes total sense in hindsight. I was scared of going to someone with no experience with disability. While I agree that depression is depression, the route cause of depression can vary, and in my case the route cause of my depression can quite often be intimately tied to my physical disability. Would she really "get it?" Mentioned past therapist was my one and only disabled therapist and while I always skirted the issue, I knew kids stare at him all the time just as they stare at me all the time. He was firm in telling me that this is a non issue and that the only issue is the type of therapy someone uses. He was right.

All therapists should have cultural competence. Should an Asian client not see a white therapist? Should a Jewish client not see a Christian therapist? Why can't a 52 year old client be helped by a 32 year old therapist, although not a cultural issue? Why can't a crip be helped by an AB therapist? That is a cultural issue. What matters I think is openmindness on the part of both the client and the therapist and the treatment methodology / personality of the therapist. Can you handle a therapist with a dark sense of sarcasm, for example? Can you handle a therapist who answers all of your questions with "what do you think", or will you want to strangle them?

Would I be able to help someone with marital counseling at 24? No, but I haven't been through training yet so maybe I could. Could I help someone with parenting issues? I think so. I was a kid, I have parents, I remember my childhood well, and I have a lot of training in child development. Family dynamics are family dynamics. Observe yourself, observe your friends / relatives dynamics too...

What happened with my experience / cultural issue? Well, #1 it turns out that most of what I am dealing with are people issues, not disability issues, related to dynamics and diagnosis. #2 Right about when I started with her is when I began a total paradigm shift in my conceptualization of disability. So I guess I've just taken her on my journey with me. That's the way it should be. I decided at some point that one of my callings in life is to educate people about disability and that I had no problem educating her too. One of the greatest things I can do in life is to make it easier for her to help someone else to get to where I am, to be OK with their disability. My views, I think, aren't so mainstream and she's been as openminded as a person can be. I don't think she's ever had a problem understanding where I'm coming from. In fact, she gets it so easily, sometimes it weirds me out. My psychiatrist, not there. Frustrating, but he doesn't need to be. In today's society a psychiatrist's job is focus on brain chemical levels, not to guide you through paradigm shifts. Just MHO.

Cultural Development & Disability

As I said in a post last week, I'm in summer school. The class I'm taking is adolescent psyc. As an aside, I just got my midterm back and she came over to me and told me that I got the most multiple choice right of anyone in the class Today's topic was cultural development in adolescence. Or should I say ethnic development. You have know idea how much this makes my blood boil (well maybe you do because you all live this too). We're a culture too and people are going to get that even if I have to cram it down their throats. I doubt there's research on the topic, so I raised my hand incessently today.

We were focusing mostly on Helmes' stages of ethnic identity and it was amazing how well it suited us and our culture. Someone brought up the difference between light colored and dark colored African Americans. Lighter skined ones are "better." I'd like to propose a comparison between African Americans and people with physical disabilities.

As I wrote in a different post last week, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my powerchair. I'm very anti-chair and that's not helping me. I keep asking myself if I would ever look down on somebody else who couldn't walk at all. I don't even have to think. The answer is of course not. So why do I insist on walking so much that it's so bad it's affecting my grades? Well it comes to me after whoever said that like a bolt of lightning. People who walk are smarter of course. Now really I do see the falicy in that, but this belief is so deep rooted that I picked up on it in pre-school. When I was little I didn't want to be within 500ft of a kid in a chair. I wasn't like them. I could walk. God forbid anyone thought I was like them. I'm not retarded. So now I'm 23 and "people who walk better are smarter" seems to have been burned in the back of my head.

So lighter skined blacks are better and people who walk are smarter. Anyone have an oppinion on that?