Pimp My Chair

Yesterday I went for a botox appt-- the BEST v-day present ever. Anyway, I said to my Dr, "I need to talk wheelchairs. I have a 20hr/week hospital placement for the summer and I can't do that on my feet."

I got a very quick "No you can't. Powerchair, scooter..."

"My manual."

"Why do you want that?"

"Because it's easier to keep there... [nod] But the thing is that it's a sling back and I can't do that [that was a big mistake on my mom's part when we got it]. I need a hard back. And, um, I need it by June if that's even possible." She agrees, so I am getting a hard back. Goes to get the botox and comes back in.

"I can't get a power assist chair in 4 months can I? This girl at school has one and it seems pretty cool. Why not have 3 chairs..."

Awesome to know that I don't need an entirely new chair. Much better idea then my Jazzy or just the hard back alone. I think it's the best idea. Easiest to throw in a locked closet somewhere, but won't kill my shoulders. I've primarialy been a vacation/surgery user as far as the manual goes, and my shoulders don't like it. They revolt.

So my 8.5 year old chair is getting an overhaul and I feel like I'm on pimp my ride. Must check my insurance. Just switched in July, so I don't know the reimbursement. I checked the quickie site and this is EXPENSIVE. I also checked hard backs and am very disappointed that they seem to only come in black. My chair is black. SO BORING. I got it when I was 14 and at the time I was affraid I would outgrow the color. I can't stand the black now. Especially now that I know that I am working with kids. Anything goes with kids. I feel like the more outragous the better. On a seperate note, I went into an art store back in Sept and went up to someone. "I want to paint my [also boring black 8.5 year old walk easies] crutches. What kind of paint sticks to metal?" I got some weird looks seeing as I wasn't even using them that day. They now have pink, purple & blue polka dots. I was really looking foward to a colorful back. So what should I paint on the quickie now? I need ideas.

"Pimping my chair" has me very upset. There is a lot on my plate right now and it pushed me over the edge. I broke down crying 3 times today. I've had 7 surgeries. I am very independently mobile. While I recognize that pimping is for my benefit and is for the sake of increasing my mobility, I don't want it. Inside I feel like I want to throw a 2 y.o. temper tantrum. I don't want it. I don't want it. I DON'T WANT IT!!!!! I'm probably repeating myself from previous entries, but why in the world did I put myself threw all that to need to pimp my chair? If I can't do a 20hr placement on my feet then I most certainly cannot handle a 40hr work week on my feet. I don't know, this is train of consciousness, but accepting that this is what I need is accepting help and I rarely do so. "I can do it; I'm alright; Really I'm fine." Except that now I am no longer fine on my own and anytime something like this crosses my path, like not driving, it is very traumatic for me. In the back of my head I have known that this is what was going to happen for years. I thought I'd come to terms with it. Well, I haven't. I think that's perfectly clear.

On another seperate (but related) note, I've been meaning to write about this for some time now. If you were in your chair and happened to pass a girl with a very visable mobility impairment on the sidewalk and she was "staring" at you how would you take it? You see everytime I come across someone in a chair I have to check it out. If it's a powerchair I'm curious what brand it is. If it's either type of chair I'm checking out the color combo and the accessories to see what I like for the next time I order. It's just a glance, but a longer then normal glance. I'm always affraid that the person is percieving it the wrong way, as I'm usually walking unaided.