On Facebook & Dogs

I read an article yesterday about a guy who was having asthma attacks brought on by Facebook. Think what you will. The comments to that article are interesting. Facebook is making me depressed. Well it is not making me depressed, but it sure isn't helping the depression I am already in.

There are two reasons for this. The first is everyone whose names are changing. I'm 25. It's developmentally appropriate to be getting married. I have been to two weddings of peers a few years ago. I however have yet to have my first kiss. Forget about marriage. I have no desire to be married until I am 40. I'll move at my own pace. While on many levels I am quite fine with this, seeing people's names changing left and right (I don't care if I haven't actually spoken to them in a decade) is making me feel inadequate.

The second reason is this thing they've got going on the "remember this?" pictures or "look at your friends' pictures" or whatever facebook is actually calling it, where pictures pop up on the side of the screen that may be from as far back as 2006. If that seems like a long time ago I was an early facebook adopter from way back when a university email address was required to join.

Most of the pictures that are popping up are from/of friends that I am no longer friends with. That I have not talked to in 13mos. They're from good times mostly, although, as I now have to constantly remind myself, about 2/3 of the length of our friendship wasn't all that good. Every few months I do check their profiles and I do think of them from time to time, but it's the pictures of my friend's dog [not the dog in this post] that are really getting to me. I LOVED that dog, and he loved me. It's a good thing I lost all of my friends' phone numbers when I lost my last phone in a snow pile during snomagedden, I might just text someone for an Oreo visit. Which would be the wrong thing to do, to use someone just for their dog, as my therapist felt the need to remind me over an email yesterday.

So now facebook has got me thinking about dogs again, like Lexi over here to the left who I found on petfinder.com this afternoon. She reminds me a lot of Oreo. The look of her. I shouldn't have been looking at dogs for adoption, this is making me more depressed. I can't have a dog. I can't afford a dog. I don't know the first thing about taking care of a dog. But a dog would benefit my recovery SO MUCH. Mom, you know it's true. Lexi, fortunately for both her and me, over the course of just a few hours, is no longer up for adoption. When I went to petfinder a few hours later I got a "the pet you are trying to find is no longer listed" message. So I should get the idea of her out of my head. But I can't. I wasn't going to adopt her anyway, realistically.

I am going with 2 friends Tuesday to a local animal shelter in the hope that pretending I'm looking for a dog and spending time with dogs will make my urge to actually have a dog, own a dog, lesson, and not make it worse. Cross your fingers for me. Please. If it gets worse I don't know what I'll do. I fantasize about having a job and what I'll be able to spend my money on. These things aren't luxuries, just alternative ways to aid in my recovery. To be able to have personal trainer and a massage therapist again. Some acupuncture sessions. A way to get to horseback riding lessons. For some reason a dog wasn't on this list.

A dog needs to be on this list. Although I don't know how my mom will feel about still having to pay my rent while I'm paying vet bills. I fantasize about working part time for a non-profit. I may never be self-supporting, although I know plenty of people who do just fine on public benefits alone. I shouldn't knock it.

My one major question though, the thing I can't see a way around, is how to get my dog to the vet. I'm sure there are plenty of people in this world with pets that don't have cars. How do they get them to the vet? You're not allowed to take pets on the bus, paratransit, in cabs, only service animals and I'm not looking at getting a service dog, I'm looking at an emotional support animal. Do I have to get a vest and masquerade my dog as a service dog in order to get to the vet? That doesn't seem right...