I am Not a Binge Eater

This was not the post I was planning to write for today, maybe Thursday... I hope that this post doesn't make anyone feel bad or make it seem like I feel superior, because I don't. I was just struck by how matter of fact, how black and white the following thought came into my head 2hrs ago.

I am not a binge eater.

I was heading into the kitchen earlier for my second left over halloween cookie of the day. If you buy a box of halloween cookies [which look nothing like the one on the left] on Nov 2nd, they're cheap, and I was craving cookies. I felt slightly guilty buying them, but I bought 3 bagged salads too. I felt guilty eating a second one today too, until, as the sugary goodness touched my tounge I simoutaneously realized that I have had the box for a week and that this is only my 6th cookie. They're going to go bad before I finish them. And so, I thought

I am not a binge eater.

Just like that. I do eat a lot of processed convenience crap. I put fish sticks in the toaster oven for lunch today. But that is the topic of another post. Or not.

I know quite a lot of people who binge eat, and I have spent the last 2hrs thinking about how hard life must be for them. To them eating is a matter of exhausting almost insurmountable wills. I know someone who had the willpower not to buy the crap I eat and then binged on carrots and peaches. It's not about willpower at all. If it were about willpower and fight these people I am thinking of would not still be dealing with this. They fight.

So I ponder something with no answer. Why are some people binge eaters and others not? Why do some people have multiple psychiatric disabilities and others none? Why does one person jump off a diving board and win a gold medal and another breaks her neck?

What I'm saying is that life isn't any harder for the binge eater then it is for anyone else, it's just that person's particular brand of hard. It isn't fair, is all, that life has to be this hard for anyone. Eating is supposed to be so simple, but yet for many it is not. And I feel for these people I know. I feel for them because I cannot do anything to help them really. I wonder though why I don't feel like this for the people I know who hear voices that aren't there or for people I know who have non-psychological disabilities. Maybe because there are cookies and a giant thing of peanut butter (that I've had for 9 mos) sitting on my kitchen counter that I see all the time? I don't come in contact with voices.

This came on all of a sudden. I don't know why I thought of the cookies, and oh yeah, of the ice cream that sometimes gets freezer burned. Any thoughts anyone? About how life's not fair? The more I've been thinking about binge eating the more I've been thinking about other things that aren't fair. Like nursing homes. And I don't want to go there today.