I Don't Like Writing About Depression on My Blog

but I'm a bipolar blogger and if I want to own up to both of my disabilities, I should work through my episodes on this blog. It's just that, you know, putting things out on the internet...

I knew this episode was coming and I tried to be proactive beforehand, but it didn't work so well being that a few weeks ago when I attempted this I wasn't depressed enough to make an impression. I was bouncing back and forth between being just a tad depressed (which my therapist picked up on) and being fine. Then I was "functionally non-functional" (a term I coined myself) and now not so much.

I guess I could write about this without going too much into the details. Right now I feel like I'm neglecting my blog. I still have some posts about the action and even more, like one that's been in the back of my brain since Feb. Not that neglecting my blog is the worst thing in the world, it's far from it, but my brain is starting to feel like cement [I cant believe I found a cement sad face from a google search, left], I'm starting to feel like a sloth, and as of this morning I'm having CP related coordination issues stemming from my exhaustion. I'm trying to blog to get my brain up and moving again, but I. Just. Can't. I have some cool stuff to write.

My friends say I have a lot of willpower and I guess I do. I'm trying harder then I've ever tried before. I ate 3 times yesterday, dragged myself out of bed and went to the gym at 10am because laying in bed 1 day is ok, but laying in bed 2 days in a row is not. I stopped on my way to class today and got a bagel, which I ate before class and I hardly ever eat in the morning even when I'm not depressed. Not only did I get up today, get dressed, and stayed awake in class, I got to class a half hr early, even with 2 stops. That's an accomplishment any day.

Except that all this trying not to be depressed (a conversation this morning went like this, "How's it going?" "Not good, but I'm pretending like it is." "Good.") is EXHAUSTING and wearing me out more then if I just surrendered to my depression.

I'm going home to take a nap, for the 5th or 6th time in a week. At least I left all those days...