I've just been thinking today. Thinking is all. Thinking deeply. Something I haven't done in quite some time. Thinking about myself and of course I'm all wrapped up and emotionally involved in this blog. I mentioned my blog to someone I haven't known all that long and she said it had been suggested to her that she try it. I replyed that everybody has to find their thing. This is certainly my thing.
This thing has taken on a life of it's own and evolved in a way I never expected it to. This blog has gone
political. Although it was never
supposed to be political. My blog started over on
Disaboom and then moved over here when I felt it needed more personalization. I don't know if that was a good move as I've lost some readership, although I've gained others.
This blog was origionally supposed to be restricted to
serious discussion of serious disability issues, but that very quickly fell by the wayside, as that post illustrates. I'd have to agree with
therapydoc (read her about me) that this is a
blog. That was obviously an impossible goal.
This blog is slowly going flat. The emotion is running out of it. It's turning into a place for me to post stupid videos I find on other people's blogs and pictures of ice cream just to fill up space in an attempt to keep my readership. Even after its focus changed, this blog was never supposed to be about ice cream. Who cares about my cherished bowls from childhood? What people care about are my struggles and my passions (which happened to have turned political somewhere along the way). They care about things that they can identify with. Things that are emotionally charged or incredibly humorous but still deeply personal (check out Rob).
What I like most about having my life in print is how much it helps me psychologically, both at the time of writing and often months later as it enables me to be able to look back and evaluate my mood, which is extremely helpful in my journey. What this says about my mood right now is that
I've gone flat. The emotion has been sucked out of
me. It says I'm protecting myself from something. It says that life is hard and I've run from it, hiding behind things that are easy. Posting videos or
Wordless Wednesday posts is easy, and while that may be a stupid example, I think it could be very representative of the larger picture and I don't know what to do about that. Even my
Thankful Thursday posts are starting to suffer. I'm no longer finding my way, I've completely lost it. So I'm starting from ground zero today and I guess I'll see what happens next.
[image discription: the evolution of man from monkey, to hunched over, to upright, to hunched over a computer]
1 comments:
I really like the way you describe blogging here and very much relate. But as an old-timer, don't despair. My blog goes through phases, as I do, and there have been many occasions where I've thought about packing it in. But then another phase begins and something else I want to write about, and so it carries on.
Of course, readers come and go, but I think the absolute worst thing you can do with a blog is try to write for them and not for yourself.
I have enjoyed all the blogs you've done here very much, even if I haven't commented much. Long may you continue to enjoy doing it.
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