My Life is a Boomerang

So my acupuncturist I was so happy to see, the one I was so happy had a $20 copay and was across the street from school, won't see me.

says you: why not?
says me: she says there's nothing she can do for me. says my issues are therapeutic issues so she kicked me back to my shrink.

The first guy I saw, who was way further away, did not say that, but I did not like him and will not go back. So do I see another acupuncturist or do I just give up? Right now I just want to cry or tear my hair out. Either one will do. See there is a history of this regarding me.

I kept being referred by professors to disability support services for school related anxiety. After I got diagnosed with bipolar II they bumped me off the case worker I'd been working with and onto the caseworker that handles the psyc students. She's an LCSW-C (the same thing my shrink is). Whole thing makes sense, right? Except she keeps telling me that my issues are therapeutic issues, not her issues, and every time I met with her she kicked me back to my shrink, leaving me with roadblocks she should be more equipped to deal with.

Then there's my physiatrist. The one doctor I have who is never allowed to retire (unless I die first). She's doing her job to the best of her ability, but it's not enough. She's supposed to be the one that coordinates everything, used to, can't anymore cause this is completely out of her element. The one piece she has complete control over is my pain management. Like I said, she's doing her job to the best of her ability, it's just not enough. She gives me as much botox as a person can have. I don't want it to kill me. She's given me pills that help, but they too have life threatening side effects if I take as much as I need when I'm in a serious anxiety crisis. She too says my pain has origins that are of therapeutic nature and kicks me back to my shrink. This at least is not her fault. She can't do anything else for me unless I want to die. This doesn't make it any less frustrating.

Oh and a sleep specialist, guess what he did? That's right... kicked me back to my shrink. At one point I had a crazy idea that maybe my shrink could coordinate with one of the shrinks that work at the counseling center at school. She was open to it, but they said they don't do that.

My psychiatrist, well lets just say that in this case psychiatrist and shrink are one in the same. I'm being repeatedly kicked back to both of them. My psychiatrist was not doing her job so I ditched her in June, waited til I had a new one in place I was pretty sure I liked. New one is doing all he can as well, which is nothing. A decision was made to keep things status quo. He was open at least to trying something different, but when we did, those same life threatening side effects came back (some pain meds and anxiety meds are exactly the same).

What does all this mean? This means that my shrink can't do her job as well as she could if she wasn't responsible to cover everybody else's. We'd both like to kick some of my "therapeutic issues" to somebody else, but my supposed support system has turned into a perpetual boomerang. A person can't have a one person support system. One person isn't a system, it's a dyad (I guess it's 1.5 cause there is finally at least one person she actually coordinates with).

says you: but didn't you say you go to a support group?
says me: it's only a tiny chip off of a very large ice berg.