It happened suddenly between Wednesday and today, and this time I know exactly what the trigger was. I spent a few hours on Friday night after I got home from work (yes, I work now) writing a very long post on it, but have decided to delay posting it and instead emailed it to my current psychiatrist and my shrink instead, who is being very inconsiderate and decided to go on vacation RIGHT WHEN THIS HIT ME. You know, she's supposed to be clairvoyant and all and see everything coming and cancel her vacation just for me! And in case you're thinking "OMG you're being so inconsiderate, bothering this poor woman while she's out of town," I view it the same as if I left a message on her office voicemail. She's under no obligation to read it now. She'll read it eventually.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Depression Strikes Again!
Anyway, tangent over. Today I woke up and spent the entire day in bed. You know, except for when I had to pee, cuz who wants to lay in a pee soaked bed if they can help it. I took a nap in the evening. I barely ate anything. I didn't bother to take any medication until 4:30. I have quite a few blog posts floating around in my head, such as "No, I'm NOT Into S&M," "I Don't Shave My Legs and I've Decided I Don't Care if You Care," "My New Psychiatrist Refuses to Enter the 21st Century and I'm a Hypocrite" and "One of My Most Embarrassing Moments," which revolves around my period, but I can't figure out why anyone would care about any of this. I also have some back posting I want to do, and a late Freedom Flyer that hasn't even been started.
When it was passed 3:00 and I was still completely naked, I texted a friend and asked her if she could do dinner. I had a cute outfit picked out for the day (my favorite color!) but I couldn't get myself to put it on. I forgot she has a standing 6pm Monday shrink appointment, so we scheduled for tomorrow. she's not doing well either :(
However, I woke up from that evening nap well after 7pm and said, "That's it, you're going out now." And I did. I went to the mall for 45mins and bought a milkshake and socks I wouldn't need if I'd just do my laundry, because I decided that if wearing clean socks tomorrow was going to make me feel less depressed, it was worth the $. So if you count a cake batter flavored milkshake as a meal, I ate 2x today, I got dressed in clothes that make me feel good, I was briefly outside during the 1 block roll to the mall each way, and now I'm writing this dribble, because even if no one cares, writing is therapeutic for me. So I did 4 things today even if it took until 8pm to do them. That's more then I used to do, an improvement. Proof that I've learned something from WRAP even if the one I wrote has been lost for like forever and I never wrote a new one. :D Props to me!
What do you do when you're depressed? Because no one really answered me last time...
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8 comments:
I think you should just get yourself down to Richmond and spend some time with my wild brood. That would either cheer you up or leave you even more depressed...
I have a CD mix of songs that I make myself listen to with nobody around (so I can bebop and sing my head off if I feel like it). It's an odd mix of songs that make me feel happy.
Doesn't always work---I have seasonal depression and PTSD (I think), but...maybe 60% of the time it helps.
If I'm feeling especially low, I give myself a time-frame to wallow in it. Then no matter what, I make myself get up and do stuff. I still feel like shit, but at least I have the satisfaction of getting some things done.
Deborah, I hope you 6 survived the earthquake. Felt it up here. Gotta get back to reading your blog. SO BEHIND!
Attila, sounds very much like me. I have 2 "depression songs" that def do not get me out of it. "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson & "If You're Going Through Hell" by Randy Atkins. My anti-anxiety songs do help though. A lot of them overlap with my gym songs.
I know you don't know me very well (okay, at all), but reading your post was like reading my diary when I'm depressed...and I'm so sorry you're going through that.
When I'm depressed...I sleep if I need to, I call the friends that will listen to me cry and I do it...I watch movies like "The Wedding Singer" and eat comfort food...and I give myself props for every little thing that I manage to do in a day, no matter how small it is. You got yourself out! That deserves major, major congrats. Good work. :)
Be gentle with yourself. You'll find the light again. You just need a bit of self-care right now. And it was perfectly fine to leave a message on you doc's machine, so don't worry about that, okay?
I've been through this more times than I can remember...you're going to be fine.
Cheryl, "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson is my guilty pleasure. Love that song.
Blake, oddly 4 years ago right before my nervous breakdown I downloaded the Greys Anatomy season 3 soundtrack and it was on there. I only played it hundreds of times. "All I can do is keep breathing" and "I want to change the world, instead I sleep," really spoke to me. How did you find the song?
GWTC, I once had a shrink (during that nervous breakdown) who told me that even if all I did during a day was brush my teeth, I brushed my teeth. I DID SOMETHING!
I read feel-good books or movies or eat ice cream (the latter works best for me). Or, I would smile at every seemingly-funny situation. It keeps my moods lighter and brighter.
If you don't mind, I would like to cite on a counseling webpage.I need other people's opinion if this site could deliver my mental health needs.Thank you and ave a nice day.
Depression is like a cycle. It comes back then gone then comes back. The important thing is to prepare yourself on all the possibilities. Have a nice day. Hope to read more of this.
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