If this is the first time that you have had a visit to my blog, I'd like to extend a big welcome. I hope you'll look around some more. For this year's Blogging Against Disablism Day (my very first), I thought I'd start with 2 lists. Their connection to the mission of BADD will become clear beneath. In no particular order...
How I'd like others to treat me:
- Interact with me as you would with anyone else my chronological age-even if my head's not always there
For me right now this mainly relates to expectations with deadlines. Even though my particular issues make them more difficult to meet, I have proven that I can meet the same deadlines as everyone else. As I've said to some people in my life, people generally want to meet the expectations that are set for them as long as they are realistic. If a low expectation is set people will meet that. But if expectations are raised a little bit I believe that they will meet them.
- Recognize that sometimes standards may need to be tweaked
Expectations are different than standards. I am expected to present myself in a professional manner. I am expected to meet deadlines. But maybe in order to meet that deadline I need to be told in advance of other people so that I have more time to get myself together. That to me is a standard.
This is what I can do and this is what I cannot do. I've spent 23 years with cerebral palsy. No one can know that better than me. But people evolve. Sometimes I'm stuck in what I could do 5 years ago; or 10 years ago. Maybe I can do things I don't think are possible. I don't know for sure until I try again. I've been surprised lately.
I'm going to try your patience. A lot. For the most part it is not intentional. Sometimes I can amaze you one minute and then turn around and do the opposite the next. Human beings are by their very nature imperfect. I'm not exempt from this. This does not mean that I want you to let me off the hook. What I would like is for you to remember to take a deep breath and move forward from where we are at the moment.
- Tell me what you're thinking
I'm absolutely horrible at interpreting normal social cues. No one is a mind reader, but I'm much worse than most. I'd like to improve on this. I need to improve on this if I want to function in society. But I can't improve on this if you don't help me.
If you don't know how to appropriately handle a situation or if you are not sure why I seem to be having trouble with something, just ask me. I don't mind and in fact, I wish that you would. It benefits us both.
- Remember how hard I'm trying now
While I was born with CP, I only found out I was bipolar 6 months ago. I'm treading in completely new territory. It's scary and it's overwhelming. But I'm working to figure it out with everything I've got. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Sometimes I'm going to have an off day. Again, the worst thing you can do for me is to let me off the hook. This is always going to be a part of my life. I need to learn how to handle it. All I'm asking is for you to not make a judgment call.
- Help me to channel my strong will
Strong will is not a bad thing. In my view it is the best attribute that an advocate can have. But my strong will gets me in a lot of hot water. Sometimes I might need a gentle reminder to check myself.
How I'd like to treat myself:
Rome wasn't built in a day. I'm trying a lot of new things at once. I would like to have mastered them all last week, but that didn't happen. That's ok, because I know that one day everything will finally click.
- Realistically-push myself, but not too far
What am I really able to do? Sometimes I'm going to need to give that some super serious thought.
Doing nothing is not healthy. Doing too much also is not healthy. Sometimes I feel like goldilocks. It is very important to find what is "just right."
Even though I might not feel like an adult and even though sometimes my head isn't there, I am 23. Fake it til you make it.
- Remember that sometimes standards need to be tweaked, and that's ok
As much as I want to be treated like everyone else, sometimes equal does not mean exactly the same. I'm going to need help. It's an inherent fact of my life. I've quoted this post before: "It just seems so odd to me that people think more highly of me now that I am actively seeking/accepting help then before when I was just as actively pushing it away. Logic says that it should be a sign of weakness."
- Continue to express my needs
Remember that just like I can't read other people's minds, they cannot read mine either. How can they know what I don't tell them?
I've done too many research papers. The vast majority of statics that pertain to PWDs are grim. In fact, they scare the crap out of me. But who ever said that I have to be a statistic?
- Focus on my strengths but don't ignore my weaknesses
Sometimes I do need to be hard on myself but yet, sometimes I go overboard and am too hard on myself.
- Put myself in other's shoes
Yeah, I'm bad at interpersonal skills. Does that let me off the hook? How did whomever perceive what I just did or said? It's important to consider.
- Remember that it can never hurt to try, but it can hurt not to try
What does any of this have to do with ableism? Well I'm trying to get people I'm interacting with to get on board with this. I say things to people, I write them emails, and then they turn around and let things slide, let me get away with things they wouldn't let other people get away with. That my friends, is blatant ableism-the fact that people unconsciously have set lower expectations for me because they do not think I am capable of meeting the ones that they set for everyone else. It's frustrating. I got up to my maximum dose of my new bipolar medication 5 days before spring semester started. When they kicked in I was off for a few weeks. I went up to professors and told them this and then they really let things slide. I was getting away with murder. People weren't taking me seriously because gosh, the girl has CP and bipolar, it must be so hard. You know what, it is hard. Really hard. But not holding me to expectations, or thinking that I am too fragile to be pushed, that does more harm then good. It severely impedes my functioning. That's not fair to me.
I'm sitting here with the 10pg research paper I completed in July for my independent study right beside me. It's on the history of ableism. It covers general statistics (those evil things that scare me half to death), historical views (including the concepts of the Tiny Tim and supercrip), The medical and charity models, the social model, and then sums up what an accessible society should look like as according to Mary Johnson. In her book Make Them Go Away, she says "that equality means, in fact, that sometimes people have to be treated differently, given different accommodations in order to achieve equal rights" (pg 205). In a truly accessible society it is celebrated and taken for granted that everyone (both disabled and AB) have different strengths and weakness. Like Johnson says, I feel that we as a collective want to be viewed "by society [as] just people-not different in any critical way from other people" (pg 204).
I know that's all I'm asking for.
Friday is my one year anniversary!!!!!! One year anniversary of what you ask? The one year anniversary of when I finally decided to start taking my meds. This is the biggest deal to me since the first time I walked all by myself (down to the kitchen to ask for something to drink). I don't remember that at all. I was only 4.This I think I will remember for the rest of my life. It's way more important, as I've come to the conclusion that why should anyone care if a person can walk or not? On the other hand, everyone should care if a person takes their meds. Just in case you're new to reading my blog, I was formally diagnosed as bipolar in December. 
I've had to master how to walk 3 times up until I was 14 when people finally decided to slow down on the slicing and dicing (surgeries). It took me 5 years to get this med thing down, and in the beginning when I finally decided to stick to it, it was just as hard as learning how to walk. Yet nobody's decided to acknowledge the effort. So I've decided to toot my own horn. I DESERVE IT!!!!! Somehow everyone thought the walking thing was a very big deal though. I just don't get that anymore...
Usually I've only lasted 8 weeks, and once somehow for an entire semester, but a semester is nowhere close to a whole year! If I could jump, I think I'd be jumping for joy! (the dog will have to suffice) As this fall semester started I've known I was getting closer and closer to my anniversary (October 10th is now permanently burned in my head), but I just kind of decided to push it aside as something that was not all that big of a deal. It hasn't been all that hard for months. Besides, taking your meds is just something that adults do. And nobody else has ever cared, so why should I? Now that was just stupid... Of course I should care!
I forget exactly when it was (March maybe?) but after nobody acknowledged my 5 month mark (remember that the longest I've ever stayed on my meds before this was 4 months) my best friend told me that if I stayed on my meds for a year she would throw me a party. You would think that if she promised to throw me a party she would write down the date somewhere wouldn't you? Apparently that was not the case. I've been trying to call her for days but she hasn't been calling me back. I finally got in touch with her earlier this afternoon and she had no idea. So apparently she doesn't care either. But you know what? I don't care that she doesn't care. I'll throw my own party! A few weeks ago she finally passed the praxis after taking it for the umpteenth time, and that is probably just as big of a deal to her. I go over to her apartment every Thursday to watch Grey's, so I'm going to go to Giant later to order us both a congratulations cake and pick up a congratulations card for her. She'll probably feel bad that she didn't do anything for me, but whatev.
