Depression Strikes Again!

It happened suddenly between Wednesday and today, and this time I know exactly what the trigger was. I spent a few hours on Friday night after I got home from work (yes, I work now) writing a very long post on it, but have decided to delay posting it and instead emailed it to my current psychiatrist and my shrink instead, who is being very inconsiderate and decided to go on vacation RIGHT WHEN THIS HIT ME. You know, she's supposed to be clairvoyant and all and see everything coming and cancel her vacation just for me! And in case you're thinking "OMG you're being so inconsiderate, bothering this poor woman while she's out of town," I view it the same as if I left a message on her office voicemail. She's under no obligation to read it now. She'll read it eventually.

Anyway, tangent over. Today I woke up and spent the entire day in bed. You know, except for when I had to pee, cuz who wants to lay in a pee soaked bed if they can help it. I took a nap in the evening. I barely ate anything. I didn't bother to take any medication until 4:30. I have quite a few blog posts floating around in my head, such as "No, I'm NOT Into S&M," "I Don't Shave My Legs and I've Decided I Don't Care if You Care," "My New Psychiatrist Refuses to Enter the 21st Century and I'm a Hypocrite" and "One of My Most Embarrassing Moments," which revolves around my period, but I can't figure out why anyone would care about any of this. I also have some back posting I want to do, and a late Freedom Flyer that hasn't even been started.

When it was passed 3:00 and I was still completely naked, I texted a friend and asked her if she could do dinner. I had a cute outfit picked out for the day (my favorite color!) but I couldn't get myself to put it on. I forgot she has a standing 6pm Monday shrink appointment, so we scheduled for tomorrow. she's not doing well either :(

However, I woke up from that evening nap well after 7pm and said, "That's it, you're going out now." And I did. I went to the mall for 45mins and bought a milkshake and socks I wouldn't need if I'd just do my laundry, because I decided that if wearing clean socks tomorrow was going to make me feel less depressed, it was worth the $. So if you count a cake batter flavored milkshake as a meal, I ate 2x today, I got dressed in clothes that make me feel good, I was briefly outside during the 1 block roll to the mall each way, and now I'm writing this dribble, because even if no one cares, writing is therapeutic for me. So I did 4 things today even if it took until 8pm to do them. That's more then I used to do, an improvement. Proof that I've learned something from WRAP even if the one I wrote has been lost for like forever and I never wrote a new one. :D Props to me!

What do you do when you're depressed? Because no one really answered me last time...

Congratulations to Me!!!!!

Friday is my one year anniversary!!!!!! One year anniversary of what you ask? The one year anniversary of when I finally decided to start taking my meds. This is the biggest deal to me since the first time I walked all by myself (down to the kitchen to ask for something to drink). I don't remember that at all. I was only 4.This I think I will remember for the rest of my life. It's way more important, as I've come to the conclusion that why should anyone care if a person can walk or not? On the other hand, everyone should care if a person takes their meds. Just in case you're new to reading my blog, I was formally diagnosed as bipolar in December.

[image discription: crowd silloutte, confetti, & ballons: Congratulations... you did it!!]

I've had to master how to walk 3 times up until I was 14 when people finally decided to slow down on the slicing and dicing (surgeries). It took me 5 years to get this med thing down, and in the beginning when I finally decided to stick to it, it was just as hard as learning how to walk. Yet nobody's decided to acknowledge the effort. So I've decided to toot my own horn. I DESERVE IT!!!!! Somehow everyone thought the walking thing was a very big deal though. I just don't get that anymore...

[image discription: smiley face giving 2 thumbs up--CONGRATS!]

Usually I've only lasted 8 weeks, and once somehow for an entire semester, but a semester is nowhere close to a whole year! If I could jump, I think I'd be jumping for joy! (the dog will have to suffice) As this fall semester started I've known I was getting closer and closer to my anniversary (October 10th is now permanently burned in my head), but I just kind of decided to push it aside as something that was not all that big of a deal. It hasn't been all that hard for months. Besides, taking your meds is just something that adults do. And nobody else has ever cared, so why should I? Now that was just stupid... Of course I should care!

[image discription: picture of a jumping dog-- Congratulations! I'm so proud of you that I'm jumping for joy!]

I forget exactly when it was (March maybe?) but after nobody acknowledged my 5 month mark (remember that the longest I've ever stayed on my meds before this was 4 months) my best friend told me that if I stayed on my meds for a year she would throw me a party. You would think that if she promised to throw me a party she would write down the date somewhere wouldn't you? Apparently that was not the case. I've been trying to call her for days but she hasn't been calling me back. I finally got in touch with her earlier this afternoon and she had no idea. So apparently she doesn't care either. But you know what? I don't care that she doesn't care. I'll throw my own party! A few weeks ago she finally passed the praxis after taking it for the umpteenth time, and that is probably just as big of a deal to her. I go over to her apartment every Thursday to watch Grey's, so I'm going to go to Giant later to order us both a congratulations cake and pick up a congratulations card for her. She'll probably feel bad that she didn't do anything for me, but whatev.

[image description: crowd, confetti, and balloons-- CONGRATULATIONS!]

Pictures to follow...