I was talking to a friend maybe 3 weeks or so ago, give or take, and I said, completely without thinking about it, "There still might be something there, eventually, but in the meantime, it's his loss. I need to start looking, because I have something to offer someone." Or as I like to put it (there's a cute story behind it for another time) "Some Guy."
If I was someone who gasped, I would have let out a gasp right then. Who is this person uttering those words, "I have something to offer someone"? Not me. Not the person who used to sit in her room and cry because no one would ever love her. Not the person who used to think using a chair made her a burden. Not the person who has been consumed with apathy for well over a year. Not the person who always uses her failures as data to prove she's always going to be a failure. (THANKS former shrink!)
But yet I can't deny the fact that I did say it, when I least expected it. "...it's his loss. I need to start looking, because I have something to offer someone (Some Guy)." Where that sudden burst of self-esteem came from I might never know, but it gives me some hope that maybe over all these years I've made some progress somewhere.
Now if only I could make some progress in the laundry/dishes department I might get my life somewhere...
1 comments:
I know that pain, but I also know that it only takes one.
I have been married for almost 8 years and have two kids and there are still days when I cannot get past the thought that I am a burden or that is not fair what my husband and kids give up because of my CP.
But everyone has their cross to bare...this is ours. We have lots to offer, this you are right about. When you get in touch with those things then the other things are not what others see...or at least the right "others".
Love the post.
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