So last school year Hillel somehow found someone going to school to become a licensed clinical professional counselor to come once a week for an hr (sometimes we ran into an hr and a half) to do some semi-group therapy as part of the hours she needed to graduate. We called it Dating Mating & Relating. By semi-group therapy I mean that everyone that came were good friends of mine, so it had quite a different dynamic then "traditional" group therapy. I went last year partly due to peer pressure and partly because I really needed the extra day/week of therapy and this was free. I found that I really liked it. I liked the person who was leading it and I liked the conversations we got into. Although I was friends with everyone and we talked about things we already talked about, there was a different dimension to it; it was deeper and I enjoyed the structure of it. The same held true for a bunch of us who all decided we wanted it to continue.
It took WAY to long to get the thing rolling (apparently there were bureaucratic issues or something), but we finally had our first meeting today. Unfortunately many of the "key players" were missing. There was me and only 2 other of the originals, but a freshman showed up. I like him. I see him contributing a lot. In the course of 45mins the conversation went from the most meaningful event/time in your life, to what makes a parent, to something else, to dating. That was good because at the moment it seems as if the freshman and I are in the same place in regards to that subject-- contemplating the same issues.
Freshman brought up something and then looked at me, as I was the only "girl" in the group today. He wanted to know if girls place more importance on looks or personality? Well, first off, all girls are different in their preferences and priorities, so I said I can't speak for the entire female gender. I said I really can't answer because I'm not like other girls. In what way asked a friend of mine? Well, for lack of better words, I said "I'm 'damaged goods'." Now don't go posting comments telling me how good looking I am and how much I have to offer a guy. I know that. I just wasn't sure how to most clearly articulate the point I was trying to make.
My point was that a guy has to be willing to really take the time to get to know me. They need to go slow. I'm far from perfect, if you know what I mean. Being a gimp, I automatically weed out all jerks (a very good thing) just by the simple fact of me being me. Anyway, the whole thing really got me thinking. Who am I, as a person with layers and dimensions up the wazoo, to demand perfection of another human being? I feel as though I don't have that right. I'm quirky and guys have to be willing to except my quirkyness. I, in turn, can't just cast off all quirky guys as ineligible. The thought that went through my mind was, as a person with multiple disabilities, I have to be more open and inclusive whether I'd want to in reality or not. What I'm wondering now is if I'm being overly judgmental and completely unfair. Should we, as people with disabilities, have the same right as any AB to be completely shallow, or are we, by our very nature, automatically mandated to overlook the exterior (and minor mental quirkyness) of potential mates?
I'd like to think that I prefer quirky, dorky guys because of the open and accepting person that I am, and that I would still prefer the nice guy even if I never had a disability. But as Kara said, that's impossible to tell.
Friday is my one year anniversary!!!!!! One year anniversary of what you ask? The one year anniversary of when I finally decided to start taking my meds. This is the biggest deal to me since the first time I walked all by myself (down to the kitchen to ask for something to drink). I don't remember that at all. I was only 4.This I think I will remember for the rest of my life. It's way more important, as I've come to the conclusion that why should anyone care if a person can walk or not? On the other hand, everyone should care if a person takes their meds. Just in case you're new to reading my blog, I was formally diagnosed as bipolar in December. 
I've had to master how to walk 3 times up until I was 14 when people finally decided to slow down on the slicing and dicing (surgeries). It took me 5 years to get this med thing down, and in the beginning when I finally decided to stick to it, it was just as hard as learning how to walk. Yet nobody's decided to acknowledge the effort. So I've decided to toot my own horn. I DESERVE IT!!!!! Somehow everyone thought the walking thing was a very big deal though. I just don't get that anymore...
Usually I've only lasted 8 weeks, and once somehow for an entire semester, but a semester is nowhere close to a whole year! If I could jump, I think I'd be jumping for joy! (the dog will have to suffice) As this fall semester started I've known I was getting closer and closer to my anniversary (October 10th is now permanently burned in my head), but I just kind of decided to push it aside as something that was not all that big of a deal. It hasn't been all that hard for months. Besides, taking your meds is just something that adults do. And nobody else has ever cared, so why should I? Now that was just stupid... Of course I should care!
I forget exactly when it was (March maybe?) but after nobody acknowledged my 5 month mark (remember that the longest I've ever stayed on my meds before this was 4 months) my best friend told me that if I stayed on my meds for a year she would throw me a party. You would think that if she promised to throw me a party she would write down the date somewhere wouldn't you? Apparently that was not the case. I've been trying to call her for days but she hasn't been calling me back. I finally got in touch with her earlier this afternoon and she had no idea. So apparently she doesn't care either. But you know what? I don't care that she doesn't care. I'll throw my own party! A few weeks ago she finally passed the praxis after taking it for the umpteenth time, and that is probably just as big of a deal to her. I go over to her apartment every Thursday to watch Grey's, so I'm going to go to Giant later to order us both a congratulations cake and pick up a congratulations card for her. She'll probably feel bad that she didn't do anything for me, but whatev.
